Dr. John H. Watson, M.D. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lightconductor) wrote2009-11-04 09:19 pm
lightconductor) wrote2009-11-04 09:19 pm
Entry tags:
Again with the porn.
So, still working my way through the Victorian porn. It's still a pretty amazing read. Today, however, I share, because I am here to back up Jack Harkness's claim of being in Victorian porn.
Because I appear to have found him.
Jack appears in the last chapter of a serial novel involving the adventures of a young man named Sir Andrew Scott. This last chapter concerns a bicyling holiday taken by Andrew and his friends and some friends of friends. There is, not surprisingly, a lot of sex involved. One of the people on this holiday is named only as Jack.
(Interestingly, but unrelated, there are two men who come along on this bicycling holiday who are notable for wearing green carnations. Green carnations are a sort of Victorian slang for "hi I'm gay," and one of them quotes Oscar Wilde and attributes it to someone he knew in university, so it's sort of interesting. Apparently, though, both of these young men swing both ways, because they're only mentioned getting it on with girls on the trip. Anyway.)
Jack is described as being "Becky's friend's cousin from Paris." This is apparently not a very exclusive party. Also, Jack is not a very French name (Jacques, perhaps, but not Jack), so clearly, things are being covered up here. Clearly. I'm willing to accept this as being Secretly Jack Harkness.
So, Jack, as described by Victorian porn:
Choosing bicycles:
Catherine and Jack, both of whom had a good sense of balance, took a chance on the dangerous tandem bicycle.
Fashion choices:
Only last night she had appeared for dinner dressed in one of Jack's frilled French shirts and nothing else.
That goddamn awesome:
Catherine and Jack, moving as one with balletic grace, were speeding elegantly along. So good was their balance that they could ride hands off like something out of a circus act.
The Adventure of the Naked Bicyclist:
Rosie was riding her mount stark naked!
She zig-zagged through the party, leaving a trail of chaos behind her. Even Catherine and Jack nearly came to grief.
On the trail of the Naked Bicyclist:
Soon afterwards, Catherine and Jack who had gone ahead, appeared riding back towards us.
"We've found Monty," Jack said. "He's by the roadside about half a mile ahead with the Sociable. They caught up with the runaway dog cart. The fat gentleman has been loaded aboard. He's quite exhausted. His wife is driving him home. I advised a cold compress and a good rest. Actually I suspect that two cold compresses will be needed. He had become visibly over-excited, but I leave that for his wife to sort out."
The perils of sex on bicycles while in pursuit of Naked Bicyclists, and also goddammit Jack stay focused:
Perhaps this demands some explanation. They had one more person than bicycle seats. Someone kindly flipped up his kilt and provided a seat for one of the ladies. Yes, really.
"There is a more immediate problem," I pointed out. "If the road ahead is lined with outraged and overturned locals, we can hardly pedal past them with Gwendolen still impaled on Ian's mighty member."
"That would indeed be the final straw," said Cecily.
"I hardly think straw is the right word in Ian's case," said Jack. "Rod, pole or, especially in the present circumstances, perch, would seem appropriate."
Voyeurism, or Still Trying To Find That Naked Bicyclist:
"There's a thin bit in the hedge here," said Jack. "I think we can see something pale moving about just behind it."
And sadly, that's all he does. At all. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he probably had quite a bit of sex during this crazy, orgiastic bicycling holiday, but Sir Andrew never mentioned it. Because he's a bum.
Because I appear to have found him.
Jack appears in the last chapter of a serial novel involving the adventures of a young man named Sir Andrew Scott. This last chapter concerns a bicyling holiday taken by Andrew and his friends and some friends of friends. There is, not surprisingly, a lot of sex involved. One of the people on this holiday is named only as Jack.
(Interestingly, but unrelated, there are two men who come along on this bicycling holiday who are notable for wearing green carnations. Green carnations are a sort of Victorian slang for "hi I'm gay," and one of them quotes Oscar Wilde and attributes it to someone he knew in university, so it's sort of interesting. Apparently, though, both of these young men swing both ways, because they're only mentioned getting it on with girls on the trip. Anyway.)
Jack is described as being "Becky's friend's cousin from Paris." This is apparently not a very exclusive party. Also, Jack is not a very French name (Jacques, perhaps, but not Jack), so clearly, things are being covered up here. Clearly. I'm willing to accept this as being Secretly Jack Harkness.
So, Jack, as described by Victorian porn:
Choosing bicycles:
Catherine and Jack, both of whom had a good sense of balance, took a chance on the dangerous tandem bicycle.
Fashion choices:
Only last night she had appeared for dinner dressed in one of Jack's frilled French shirts and nothing else.
That goddamn awesome:
Catherine and Jack, moving as one with balletic grace, were speeding elegantly along. So good was their balance that they could ride hands off like something out of a circus act.
The Adventure of the Naked Bicyclist:
Rosie was riding her mount stark naked!
She zig-zagged through the party, leaving a trail of chaos behind her. Even Catherine and Jack nearly came to grief.
On the trail of the Naked Bicyclist:
Soon afterwards, Catherine and Jack who had gone ahead, appeared riding back towards us.
"We've found Monty," Jack said. "He's by the roadside about half a mile ahead with the Sociable. They caught up with the runaway dog cart. The fat gentleman has been loaded aboard. He's quite exhausted. His wife is driving him home. I advised a cold compress and a good rest. Actually I suspect that two cold compresses will be needed. He had become visibly over-excited, but I leave that for his wife to sort out."
The perils of sex on bicycles while in pursuit of Naked Bicyclists, and also goddammit Jack stay focused:
Perhaps this demands some explanation. They had one more person than bicycle seats. Someone kindly flipped up his kilt and provided a seat for one of the ladies. Yes, really.
"There is a more immediate problem," I pointed out. "If the road ahead is lined with outraged and overturned locals, we can hardly pedal past them with Gwendolen still impaled on Ian's mighty member."
"That would indeed be the final straw," said Cecily.
"I hardly think straw is the right word in Ian's case," said Jack. "Rod, pole or, especially in the present circumstances, perch, would seem appropriate."
Voyeurism, or Still Trying To Find That Naked Bicyclist:
"There's a thin bit in the hedge here," said Jack. "I think we can see something pale moving about just behind it."
And sadly, that's all he does. At all. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he probably had quite a bit of sex during this crazy, orgiastic bicycling holiday, but Sir Andrew never mentioned it. Because he's a bum.
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Seriously, that just killed me a little...
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Oh Victorians!
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Loved the bit about the perch! And Monty being visibly over-excited. lol! Very generous of Jack, letting Monty's wife take care of the over excited bit.
I so have to find this book. All the bits you typed out had me laughing.