Dr. John H. Watson, M.D. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lightconductor) wrote2009-07-30 07:37 pm
lightconductor) wrote2009-07-30 07:37 pm
Entry tags:
aaaaaaaaugh
Robert J. Sawyer.
Perhaps you have heard of him. He is a science fiction author. He is mildly successful. He is Canadian, I believe.
He is shit.
The only way to describe his work, I think, is "superficial." His characters are shallow and superficial. His plots are easily-resolved and superficial. His description of aliens, of physics, of the way the universe works... they're interesting, they're original, they're the best thing about his work in my opinion, but at heart very pat and glossed-over and inadequately explained.
He has one book where the existence of God is conclusively proven (apparently God's hanging out on the far side of the universe and looks sort of like a giant space starfish). He has another where the nonexistence of God is conclusively proven (apparently it all boils down to a horrible defect in the human brain). I read his stuff for a while. I really wanted to like it, because there is some incredibly original concepts in his stuff. However, the superficial, glossed-over way everything is presented eats at me like you wouldn't believe. He writes stories but there isn't anything to them. It's all shiny exterior, beautiful presentation, but there's no meat, no innards, nothing. It is the cotton candy of science fiction, except not as delicious.
Why do I bring this up?
Because he has apparently been writing Sherlock Holmes pastiche, in a science fiction style.
It is horrendous.
This is the story, in a nutshell. Holmes and Watson are pulled forward from 1899 into the late 21st century, and Holmes is asked to solve the problem of why there aren't any aliens in the universe, by a man named Mycroft Holmes who is no relation to Sherlock Holmes's brother despite having the same name.
Okay, admittedly, this:
I asked him if he had a brother called Sherlock, but his reply made little sense to me: "My parents weren't that cruel."
That makes me laugh. Oh, Watson.
So, Holmes, after an initial response of "wtf," plugs his brain into a computer and instantly learns physics, comes to the following conclusion:
The reason there are no aliens in the universe is because Earth is out of sync with the rest of the universe. This, in turn, is because of a Schrodinger's Cat-style flux caused entirely because Watson investigated and reported Holmes's apparent death at Reichenbach Falls, when for the good of the universe he should have not investigated and left it an unresolved mystery.
So they go back in time, replace their younger selves (who are sent forward in time to live out the rest of their lives in a cleverly-constructed simulation based upon Holmes and Watson's memories of the next eight years), Watson does not report Holmes as having died, Holmes never comes back to London, Watson is sad and alone and never sees Holmes again, although at least slightly cheered by getting to see Mary again for a little while.
And because in this way, history is changed and Watson does not break the universe by having the temerity to investigate what happened at the Falls and subsequently publish that "oh no Holmes died," sending bazillions of crazy fans into denial and/or rages that reshape the universe and prevent us from being able to find aliens, and so we discover intelligent life in the Altair system in 1907.
Okay, look.
Look, I know that there are people out there who are of the opinion that Holmes should have stayed dead. And there is a certain amount of denial about this, and you get crazy theories about how the Return is a fraud, perpretrated by Watson or somebody else entirely, or how the Holmes who comes back in 1894 is actually an imposter, or (and I swear I actually heard this one) a Russian clone (either of these latter two conveniently explain why Holmes is somewhat nicer to Watson after he comes back from the dead).
But really? You're going to say that just because Sherlock Holmes dared come back from the dead, we're never going to meet aliens because it's somehow that important that Watson not give into public pressure and write more?
(My Watson would like me to mention, incidentally, that he has nothing against aliens, he rather likes the ones he's met in the hotel, and he certainly doesn't want to cause reality to break so that humanity cannot encounter them, ever.)
Even beyond that, I see problems. What happens to the kidnapped younger Holmes and Watson after they live through those eight years of simulated memory? Does Mary not, at any point, ever wonder why her husband returned from Switzerland looking eight years older? Why the hell is this guy from the future named Mycroft Holmes, what purpose does this detail serve? Why do I keep reading dialogue and going, "er, that doesn't sound like how he talks"? Why is Watson so dense and Holmes merely a shadow of his former self? Is no one else bothered by the horrible temporal paradox in effect here?
Fuck you, Sawyer. Fuck. You.
Stay out of my goddamn fandom. I'm going to go read "The Naked Sun," which has the benefit of being much better science fiction and also a good mystery.
Speaking of that particular series, this is the cover for my copy for the book after "The Naked Sun." I hadn't seen this particular edition before it came in the mail. Does anyone else think it looks like a romance novel? Do I need to start coming up with an explanation as to why it looks like I'm reading gay robot porn?
I spent way too long writing this rant/critique thing.
Perhaps you have heard of him. He is a science fiction author. He is mildly successful. He is Canadian, I believe.
He is shit.
The only way to describe his work, I think, is "superficial." His characters are shallow and superficial. His plots are easily-resolved and superficial. His description of aliens, of physics, of the way the universe works... they're interesting, they're original, they're the best thing about his work in my opinion, but at heart very pat and glossed-over and inadequately explained.
He has one book where the existence of God is conclusively proven (apparently God's hanging out on the far side of the universe and looks sort of like a giant space starfish). He has another where the nonexistence of God is conclusively proven (apparently it all boils down to a horrible defect in the human brain). I read his stuff for a while. I really wanted to like it, because there is some incredibly original concepts in his stuff. However, the superficial, glossed-over way everything is presented eats at me like you wouldn't believe. He writes stories but there isn't anything to them. It's all shiny exterior, beautiful presentation, but there's no meat, no innards, nothing. It is the cotton candy of science fiction, except not as delicious.
Why do I bring this up?
Because he has apparently been writing Sherlock Holmes pastiche, in a science fiction style.
It is horrendous.
This is the story, in a nutshell. Holmes and Watson are pulled forward from 1899 into the late 21st century, and Holmes is asked to solve the problem of why there aren't any aliens in the universe, by a man named Mycroft Holmes who is no relation to Sherlock Holmes's brother despite having the same name.
Okay, admittedly, this:
I asked him if he had a brother called Sherlock, but his reply made little sense to me: "My parents weren't that cruel."
That makes me laugh. Oh, Watson.
So, Holmes, after an initial response of "wtf," plugs his brain into a computer and instantly learns physics, comes to the following conclusion:
The reason there are no aliens in the universe is because Earth is out of sync with the rest of the universe. This, in turn, is because of a Schrodinger's Cat-style flux caused entirely because Watson investigated and reported Holmes's apparent death at Reichenbach Falls, when for the good of the universe he should have not investigated and left it an unresolved mystery.
So they go back in time, replace their younger selves (who are sent forward in time to live out the rest of their lives in a cleverly-constructed simulation based upon Holmes and Watson's memories of the next eight years), Watson does not report Holmes as having died, Holmes never comes back to London, Watson is sad and alone and never sees Holmes again, although at least slightly cheered by getting to see Mary again for a little while.
And because in this way, history is changed and Watson does not break the universe by having the temerity to investigate what happened at the Falls and subsequently publish that "oh no Holmes died," sending bazillions of crazy fans into denial and/or rages that reshape the universe and prevent us from being able to find aliens, and so we discover intelligent life in the Altair system in 1907.
Okay, look.
Look, I know that there are people out there who are of the opinion that Holmes should have stayed dead. And there is a certain amount of denial about this, and you get crazy theories about how the Return is a fraud, perpretrated by Watson or somebody else entirely, or how the Holmes who comes back in 1894 is actually an imposter, or (and I swear I actually heard this one) a Russian clone (either of these latter two conveniently explain why Holmes is somewhat nicer to Watson after he comes back from the dead).
But really? You're going to say that just because Sherlock Holmes dared come back from the dead, we're never going to meet aliens because it's somehow that important that Watson not give into public pressure and write more?
(My Watson would like me to mention, incidentally, that he has nothing against aliens, he rather likes the ones he's met in the hotel, and he certainly doesn't want to cause reality to break so that humanity cannot encounter them, ever.)
Even beyond that, I see problems. What happens to the kidnapped younger Holmes and Watson after they live through those eight years of simulated memory? Does Mary not, at any point, ever wonder why her husband returned from Switzerland looking eight years older? Why the hell is this guy from the future named Mycroft Holmes, what purpose does this detail serve? Why do I keep reading dialogue and going, "er, that doesn't sound like how he talks"? Why is Watson so dense and Holmes merely a shadow of his former self? Is no one else bothered by the horrible temporal paradox in effect here?
Fuck you, Sawyer. Fuck. You.
Stay out of my goddamn fandom. I'm going to go read "The Naked Sun," which has the benefit of being much better science fiction and also a good mystery.
Speaking of that particular series, this is the cover for my copy for the book after "The Naked Sun." I hadn't seen this particular edition before it came in the mail. Does anyone else think it looks like a romance novel? Do I need to start coming up with an explanation as to why it looks like I'm reading gay robot porn?
I spent way too long writing this rant/critique thing.
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I am averse to this, because it sucks.
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Case in point: Grease 2.
Actually, having gone and read that wikipedia entry... it's a book that's a sequel to the musical but not the book the musical is based on? What? Why?
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He wrote a nice little author's note at the beginning of the book which is basically pages of bashing Gaston Leroux and kissing ALW's ass. Also, the Phantom dies at the end of the book so there really isn't... room for a sequel... and it just needs one so badly, you know?
Mostly it reminds me of your story because reading it is like taking the premise of at least 50% of the Phantom fanfic written by 13-year-old girls who just saw the movie and think the Phantom is soooo hoooot and then just having a professional author write it as if it's a brilliant idea. I can't talk too much about it or I'm prone to RANDOM FITS OF VIOLENCE.
Also: I think the cover is to make you WISH you were reading gay robot porn instead :)
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No? No? Anyone?
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Gasp, Elijah Baley, what will your wife say? Gay robot sex? And it's not with Daneel? I'm shocked.
Mm. The fanfiction issue is one reason I am absolutely dreading this upcoming Sherlock Holmes movie. I like my cosy, geeky, and extremely literate fandom. I don't need fanfiction by people who haven't read the books.
I understand the random fits of violence. :/
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It's funny, since Phantom, you know, is one of my fandoms... and I got into it because of the movie of the musical, and I was SO obsessed with that movie and thought it was the best thing since sliced bread. Coming into the fandom, probably fortunately, I ran into all of these bitter old fans from before the movie, and I was exposed to stuff from the musical on stage, old movies, the book, etc.
Now I've disowned that movie.