lightconductor: (let me tell you this)
Long ago, I mentioned this guy?

He's apparently going to speak at my favourite local bookstore on May 25th.

I'm wondering if it would be completely inappropriate to sit in the back and heckle.

"Hey! Hey, you remember that really stupid illogical Sherlock Holmes pastiche you wrote like fifteen years ago? The one where Watson broke the universe by writing The Final Problem? Yeah, it sucked. A lot. It made no sense and was a shitty treatment of the characters in general. Also, the beginning of Hominids is possibly the worst, most offensive treatment of rape in fiction that I have ever seen, you stupid fuck."

On the other hand, all the staff knows me down there. I'd hate to alienate them, as they are nice people.
lightconductor: (Default)
This morning, while I rolled around in bed going, auuuugh I do not want to get up, on comes the radio with the following statement:

"And elementary, my dear Hollywood! In the next half hour, our CBC comedy team takes on the new Guy Ritchie Sherlock Holmes movie."


I waited.

The sketch itself involved filmmakers meeting with Mrs. Wakefield, "the world's foremost expert on Sherlock Holmes," and discussing with her their plans while she sputtered in dismay. Holmes, they say, will be an ass-kicking, drug-downing, sexy hero who gets all the ladies, and solves crime with his fist of justice!

(Okay, even if I take off my Evil Slasher Hat, what the hell is Holmes going to do with all those ladies, I ask you. Also, lol @ fist of justice.)

Mrs. Wakefield sputters out her vague protestations to the contrary. Yes, Holmes is a competent fighter, skilled in fencing and the Japanese art of baritsu (she left out the boxing), but that's not how he solves crimes! And the drug use is very controversial, but that doesn't mean... and the ladies? Really???

(Incidentally, everything I've seen about this movie suggests that they've replaced the cocaine with alcohol. This is... not promising. The two are not interchangeable, especially if you look at the reasons why Holmes might be taking cocaine in the first place.)

And they go on to describe Watson, his ruggedly sexy, equally ass-kicking sidekick, getting all the ladies also (geez guys, leave some for the rest of us)!

But no, sputters Mrs. Wakefield, Watson is rotund and shy.



DO YOU DARE TO MALIGN HIM? Fuck you, you have no idea what you're talking about. )
lightconductor: (thinking)
Robert J. Sawyer.

Perhaps you have heard of him. He is a science fiction author. He is mildly successful. He is Canadian, I believe.

He is shit.

The only way to describe his work, I think, is "superficial." His characters are shallow and superficial. His plots are easily-resolved and superficial. His description of aliens, of physics, of the way the universe works... they're interesting, they're original, they're the best thing about his work in my opinion, but at heart very pat and glossed-over and inadequately explained.

He has one book where the existence of God is conclusively proven (apparently God's hanging out on the far side of the universe and looks sort of like a giant space starfish). He has another where the nonexistence of God is conclusively proven (apparently it all boils down to a horrible defect in the human brain). I read his stuff for a while. I really wanted to like it, because there is some incredibly original concepts in his stuff. However, the superficial, glossed-over way everything is presented eats at me like you wouldn't believe. He writes stories but there isn't anything to them. It's all shiny exterior, beautiful presentation, but there's no meat, no innards, nothing. It is the cotton candy of science fiction, except not as delicious.

Why do I bring this up?

Because he has apparently been writing Sherlock Holmes pastiche, in a science fiction style.

It is horrendous. )


lightconductor: (Default)

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