[There's a while before César replies. Perhaps because he's typing, then deleting such replies as: ❤️ Yes, sir! Can I get into your pants instead? ❤️ Yes, sir! I won't open your clasp and get in there without your permission again, promise! ❤️ Yes, sir! I know not to touch a doctor's instruments without permission. :) ❤️ Yes, sir! Are there 'instruments' in there you're trying to keep a secret from me? ❤️ Yes, sir! But I thought you liked it when I touched your things? ❤️ Yes, sir! Why am I so horny all the time now???]
❤️ Yes, sir! It was just that one time, promise. Figured it might be a little fun to sneak it in.
[And then he thinks of another one:] ❤️ But I thought you wanted me to fondle your instruments, sir? My god Um Didn't mean to Damnit Send that Throwing myself (NOT REALLY) out my window now.
Edited (obliterating Watson's thought process) 2022-05-07 01:10 (UTC)
[Whatever answer Watson was writing will be lost to all time, and while there is a pause before he manages to respond, it's because of a sudden fit of hysterics smothered by his sleeve.]
If you want the opportunity to inspect my equipment, would be glad to supervise. - JW
[There's a bit of time before] Why did it have to be the filthiest one.................. [Immediately after] Wait You talked dirty back?? Uh I mean yes? Maybe? When I'm not dying of embarrassment?
[A long pause as a longer response gets typed up.]
Not insane. If you've tried to ignore something, you'll need to reacquaint yourself with that part of you. This takes practice, patience. You don't seem to lack desire, only direction. If you are struggling, what help can I offer? Is there something in particular that troubles you?"
cw: suicidal ideation OKAY THEN UH THIS TOOK ME BY SURPRISE TOO
Mmmhmm. That's what I mean. It's not a trouble. But it could become one. Especially in a relationship. I need another perspective. If you'll wait a moment for my thoughts.
[One message, with multiple lines:] Life is frail. And precious. Something you should cling to with everything you have. I'm twenty-seven. I put my affairs in order. Had lawyers draw up and file a will. Thought it might be necessary in a few months time, once things were done. Just in case. I don't I want that, anymore. But I can't just pretend I didn't. I'm stable. I'm happy. I'm in no danger. Not here. But we won't be here forever. I want to continue not wanting that. Do you understand, John? The pressure I'm putting on the two of you without eithe of you realizing it? You two are doing more than just loving me. You're SAVING me. And that's not fair to you to leave unsaid.
Love, I've been close to that precipice myself, more than once, and that darkness is something I still carry with me. I think you've seen something of it, especially recently. If you lean on us, we lean on you just as heavily. That is, I think, part of loving someone: making each other strong. None of us know what will come to pass here, and I am not sure we can even guess, but at the very least, we are holding one another up in a terrible time. For my part, I feel no pressure in that, only joy. Why should it trouble me that my loved ones lean on me in their time of need, when I do the same to them? I don't need you to apologise to me for that. We would never cease apologising, if so. If you have scars that trouble you, literal or metaphorical, then let me ease that in whatever way I can. My love for you is a new thing, but it can bear that, I am certain of it. - JW
Hell yeah let's jettison formatting
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NSFW holy shit César
❤️ Yes, sir! Can I get into your pants instead?
❤️ Yes, sir! I won't open your clasp and get in there without your permission again, promise!
❤️ Yes, sir! I know not to touch a doctor's instruments without permission. :)
❤️ Yes, sir! Are there 'instruments' in there you're trying to keep a secret from me?
❤️ Yes, sir! But I thought you liked it when I touched your things?
❤️ Yes, sir! Why am I so horny all the time now???]
❤️ Yes, sir! It was just that one time, promise. Figured it might be a little fun to sneak it in.
[And then he thinks of another one:]
❤️ But I thought you wanted me to fondle your instruments, sir?
My god
Um
Didn't mean to
Damnit
Send that
Throwing myself (NOT REALLY) out my window now.
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If you want the opportunity to inspect my equipment, would be glad to supervise. - JW
[And then, a moment later]
Good God, César - JW
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Why did it have to be the filthiest one..................
[Immediately after]
Wait
You talked dirty back??
Uh I mean yes? Maybe?
When I'm not dying of embarrassment?
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[A pause, then:]
Did not intend innuendo that time, but suspect still true. I am listening. -JW
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[Immediately after:]
A moment.
[He's trying to figure out what to say, then a few messages, one after another:]
I have no idea how any of this works.
I'm very happy! Don't get me wrong. Happiest I've been in a long while.
But....
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I know I'm doing fine. I know you two care. None of that I'm worried about. It's something else.
It's something I've compartmentalized away. When I do that strongly enough, things... become inaccessible. Like they don't even exist.
But I want to access it. Remove the layers. But that takes time and effort. And quiet. Spoken words are distracting.
... That sounds insane, doesn't it?
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Not insane. If you've tried to ignore something, you'll need to reacquaint yourself with that part of you. This takes practice, patience. You don't seem to lack desire, only direction. If you are struggling, what help can I offer? Is there something in particular that troubles you?"
cw: suicidal ideation OKAY THEN UH THIS TOOK ME BY SURPRISE TOO
[One message, with multiple lines:]
Life is frail. And precious. Something you should cling to with everything you have.
I'm twenty-seven. I put my affairs in order. Had lawyers draw up and file a will. Thought it might be necessary in a few months time, once things were done. Just in case.
I don't I want that, anymore. But I can't just pretend I didn't. I'm stable. I'm happy. I'm in no danger. Not here. But we won't be here forever. I want to continue not wanting that.
Do you understand, John? The pressure I'm putting on the two of you without eithe of you realizing it? You two are doing more than just loving me. You're SAVING me. And that's not fair to you to leave unsaid.
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[Added after a moment:]
Crying now haha
I love you too
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My room. Please?
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Prose now, I guess lol
Apparently!
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