lightconductor | IC Inbox

oh. fair.

um. is my room fine? it's 112.

thanks.

Shan't be long. -JW

When he comes by shortly after, it's with his leather doctor's bag in hand. He doubts he'll need it, and he was of two minds about bringing it, but it would be better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it. Besides, it does give a bit of professional dignity to the situation, which might be appreciated.

He knocks. "I'm here, Klaus."

Klaus is still in his hideous alien t-shirt but at least he doesn't look as terrible as he feels.

At the knock, they peek out, looking a little sheepish. "Oh hey. Come in." The step back, running their fingers through their hair. "How's...uh...things?" A beat. "Nevermind. That's a dumb question."

"It's always a little complicated, coming back from the dead, and discovering what you've missed."

Watson steps inside, and finds himself a seat. Presumptuous, but under the circumstances, it seems called for. "Make yourself comfortable. I know perfectly well this sort of conversation is unpleasant, but you ought to be proud of coming this far."

Klaus nods. "Yeah. That's fair. I haven't died since coming here, which feels a little weird after all the...dying before."

They slowly sit on one side of the sofa, trying not to feel awkward. "Yeah. I've done court appointed rehab...too many times, really." But that was...the thing about court appointed rehab. "But the ghosts were always there when I got out. I mean that literally and figuratively." A beat. "I mean I used to see ghosts. It started...the uh...drinking and the drugs...started mostly cause it was the easiest way to block them out and stuck around because of...well...all the trauma, I guess."

There's a long sigh here. "I guess I'm just...tired. Of all of it. Of feeling like shit all the time. So here I am."

"... Ghosts. At one point, I would have thought that a symptom in itself. I can no longer say that."

Watson sighs. "But figurative ghosts, well. That I know very well." And he hesitates. "Ghosts or pain or a combination of them will drive a man to drink, or opium, or cocaine. My own particular vice... well. Let me just say that I cannot be trusted on a horse track." A personal admission, but under the circumstances it seems called for. On this ship, he's cultivating a rather more casual relationship with his patients. "Not alone, anyway. There is hope, though. I do believe that."

He considers. "'Court appointed rehab' is not something we have in my day. An interesting idea, but evidently not so effective as one might hope?"

“Yeah. Seen them since I was a kid. Dad locked me in a mausoleum to make me less scared of them.” Watson can probably guess how that worked. Spoiler alert: not very well.

“I’ve done a lot of shit.” Not gambling as much, though. It didn’t really do it for them. But they can see how it could work for other people. “Guess we all have something.”

There’s a shrug. “I guess it works for some people. I just never actually wanted it. I can play a believable addict that wants to be better. Really. Probably should have been me going into acting.” The self deprecation is strong in this one. “This is the first time I’ve sought it out on my own. Well, I started once back home and then shit happened and it kind of stopped. But I’m trying to tell people to have more people to keep me honest, I guess.”

A child locked in a mausoleum? Watson is entirely unable to hide the sympathetic flinch he makes at that thought. Even if actual ghosts aren't involved, it's a cruel thing.

"I found support to be helpful, myself. A trusted friend who won't allow you to fall back into old habits. Several trusted friends are even better, of course." He lets out a breath. "Did something happen to change your mind, or was this a gradual decision?"

Yeaaah. Klaus gets that reaction a lot.

“I’d sort of been getting better? I guess. Well, I was still drinking and doing…well…oxy anyway. But it wasn’t so much because of…um. Nobunaga, I guess. I was happy. Which is weird. You missed the break up. We’re…uh…working on it right now. But between then and now, I was kind of drinking all day and passing out wherever and I just…it isn’t helping my problems anymore. And I feel awful all the time. And I’m useless to everyone for real if I’m fucked up all the time.” A shrug.

“I guess I just realized through talking to people and existing in too many conversations both drunk and hungover that it’s not something I want to keep doing.”

Watson is... not sure what 'oxy' is. He may have to try to look that up later. Or ask someone discreetly. Probably a drug, given the context.

"I'm sorry," he says, genuinely. "A broken heart makes this all the more difficult. Still, this is an important step, and you should be proud of yourself for this. How long has it been since you had a drink?"

"Yeah. But it's...It was a misunderstanding on both of our parts...I guess I'm used to being sexy trash and even when you're sexy, you're still trash and easily disposable." This is why no one likes it when he says that, huh? " So I thought that was what was happening...and I...didn't react well." But right. When was the last drink?? "Uhhh..." They squint and then look at the phone. "Late last night...or early this morning? However you wanna look at it. I guess." They might've had more, but their emergency stash is out.

He tries very hard not to look concerned about 'sexy trash.' That is... certainly a statement, one that speaks to a degree of self-loathing, and one that fits into the greater picture he's building.

"So this is a relatively new decision that you are making, then." A carefully neutral statement. "How do you feel, right now? Physically, mentally." Because withdrawal is a thing, and a terrible thing.

“I told someone like a weekish ago that I probably needed to and theeeen…I didn’t do that.” Obviously. They sigh. “But I…yeah. I need to do it.” There’s something in him that wants to talk him out of it, but that’s just…the negative self-talk.

“Not…great. The unfortunate levels of sweating hasn’t set in yet. But I am sort of…” They gesture vaguely. “A generalized feeling of shit. And my mental state is…kind of always a mess. I guess right now it’s a sort of mental and physical exhaustion with undertones of consistent negative self-talk that I’m trying to ignore. Like I have experience with the process, but ugh. I always get so clammy and sweaty and moody. I have like zero healthy coping mechanisms.” But right. This is about now-now. Not then. “I’m anxious. And a little terrified. But I know I can’t keep going like this. I can’t.”

"Well, at least I can trust you to come to me at once if it becomes more serious than the normal withdrawals you've experienced before, yes?" Dying of DTs might be temporary here, but it's probably unpleasant enough to avoid. "And the drink flows so freely here that it's really a wonder we don't have more of this sort of thing. I suppose the first rule of business is to stay out of any of the places here that serve alcohol. How doable does that sound to you?"

"Yes. I'll do that." They sigh. "I'll probably have to talk to Eddie about like...if things seem super abnormal and I can't do it for myself." Uggghhh. But hopefully he'll know that it's coming before then. "But I'll do my best to know and reach out before I can't help myself." Like dying is not exactly the biggest deals, but also Nobunaga would be depressed as hell.

This meant finding a new place to watch his movies and he doesn't even know where that leave him. But that's...that's the least of his worries, right? Where to watch movies? He's gonna feel like shit anyway. "...It sounds kinda difficult to be honest, but I will...do my best. There's even alcohol in the one food place. Uh...but if I want anything from there, I'll just get someone to get it for me...Also the pool..." That's...probably fine.

Wow. They're kind of realizing a few other things that definitely don't matter but will probably be suuuuper unpopular later if it's still at thing.

"The swim might do you good, you know, if you can find someone to trust to keep you honest to go with you," Watson points out. "I always found that the pressure of having a friend to be accountable to helped to keep me out of trouble. But if it would be too much a temptation, there is other exercise to keep your mind off things."

Klaus nods. “I have like…more people than I ever thought I would, actually.” They know how that sounds, but…you know. “I just sort of took advantage of everyone back home, so…not great for interpersonal relationships.” He frowns. “But I know there’s people that won’t let me fuck up and people…I don’t want to disappoint. Which is new.” Probably a good thing, too. “Much as I hate the idea of it, the best way to do this is probably tell everyone I’m close to so I can’t act like everything’s the same and chill and nothing is off. Especially SecUnit.”

It certainly sounds a certain way, but Watson will let that go unremarked.

"As difficult as it is to admit to this sort of weakness to people, I do think it will help. You'll have support from people who want you to succeed. If you feel your resolve weakening, you can rely on them for a distraction or a dose of clarity. And sometimes that will be what you need."

Klaus nods. "Yeah. Also I keep..." He frowns a little. "My brother would be proud of me. All of them...actually. Allison's a bit mixed up right now, but...but I think she would be, too." A sigh. "Ben most of all, though. He...had to be stuck with me through everything because...well...I was the only one who could see him." As clarification... "He was a ghost at the time." And they wish they could tell them about it, but...no one's here. Hopefully other!Klaus will get their shit together too.

"If my brother had taken the step you are taking now, I would have been proud of him."

Alas, he did not. And now Watson has his watch.

"But I will extend an invitation. If you are alone, and feeling tempted, you may always contact me if you need some support, and I will do my best to be there and a distraction. No questions asked, no judgement."

So he had a brother like them. Klaus gives him a small, sad look, but doesn't say anything, just nods.

"Thanks." There's a long sigh. "You're really nice." Just in case he didn't know somehow. "I appreciate you like taking the time to do this and...if I'm annoying you later. Um. And tell Johnny I said hi? I'll tell him myself, but you know...for today."

"It will never be annoying if you need me, so don't you worry yourself with that." Watson stands, because this conversation has been a lot and Klaus probably needs some time to think it over. "I shall tell him. Take care of yourself."

Klaus does have a lot to think about and probably some time to talk himself out of talking himself out of it. They sigh softly. "I will. Thank you again."

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