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[lightconductor]

If you have a message for me, Dr. John Watson, please leave it here. I shall certainly get back to you as soon as I can.
- JW

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[lightconductor]

In answer, Watson leans forward to kiss César, not particularly deeply, but lingering.

"I had some intention of going down to the infirmary today, pretending to be useful."

[pineapplesalmon]

Lingering is good. César's psyche is still recovering and rejiggering itself after he messed up so badly. He needs love, not passion.

The look César gives is one of understanding. He, too, has felt useless lately. But Watson was the one dead when there were murders to investigate.

"Would you be in want of company?" César asks quietly.

[lightconductor]

"You're welcome to come with me, if you want, though I'm sure it will be very dull. And if anyone does come, I may end up sending you away." Watson gives him an arch look. "I realise with less than a hundred people gossip moves through this place like wildfire, but I still must make an attempt at confidentiality."

[pineapplesalmon]

"It won't be dull if I'm spending time with you." César finishes the last button, then leans down for a quick kiss. "... and of course I'll leave the second you get a patient. But office hours are long and boring when they're by yourself."

[lightconductor]

Watson runs his hand down César's arm. "That they are. The amount of writing I have done in my office when I had no patients! A little lonely at times, but productive. Well, you're welcome to come if you want to inflict that on yourself. Hand me my waistcoat, would you?"

[pineapplesalmon]

The touch brightens César's smile. "I can always work or read if it comes to that."

He turns to get the waistcoat, checking for Watson's lead on whether he wants to do it himself or let César help.

[lightconductor]

He takes the waistcoat himself, if mostly because he wants to take a moment to thread his watch chain, with Mary's ring on the end, through the buttonhole himself. There's a ritual to that, the sort of thing he'd rather do himself. Watson tucks his watch into the pocket, and gives César a little smile.

"Today might be a good day to be scandalously underdressed and leave my jacket behind." Because the ship is full of people who would be judgemental about him being only half-dressed. He's been here a while.

[pineapplesalmon]

César covers his mouth with a feigned gasp. "We'll both be scandalous, then!"

Because César's pretty much not worn a jacket on the boat except during parties and the wedding. But he did watch with a quieter smile as Watson threaded his watch chain. It was important to not interrupt that moment.

[lightconductor]

"You may laugh if you want, but how many lifelong etiquette rules are you trying to unlearn?"

He reaches for his stick, left to lean against the wall while he dressed. "I suppose that's me ready, though. Shall we?"

[pineapplesalmon]

"I tease because I appreciate how much you've had to adjust." César runs a hand down the side of Watson's waistcoat appreciatively, hand settling on his hip briefly. "And far less than you, my darling husband."

That last word makes César's smile a little giddy, even as he drops his hand. Watson taking up his cane makes him no less sexy to César's eyes. It's just a part of him now.

[lightconductor]

He returns that smile, and offers his arm to César.

"You are flattering me," Watson observes, mildly. "I am not a fool, you know. But do carry on with the flowery affection, if it pleases you."

[pineapplesalmon]

César takes his arm, looking a bit innocent. "Does it please you, though? Because I'm quite fine with continuing."

[lightconductor]

Watson glances over at him, and sighs a little, though he doesn't let go of César's arm, either, as they move out into the hallway.

"César," he says, his voice low, "I realise things are... difficult, just at the moment. Still, I would not have you do anything just for the sake of my own ego. You know that, yes?"

[pineapplesalmon]

César looks confused and mildly worried at the little sigh, and then he chooses to look just confused. But only for a moment, as relief joins the confusion. Yet, it was still a conscious decision he made.

He smiles softly, touching Watson's forearm with his free hand, keeping his own voice low. "I know. I was just flirting, osito. We had that conversation. You want true consent at all times. I won't force myself to do anything I don't want between us."

[lightconductor]

He stops short, and turns to look at César with a faintly horrified expression, but it takes him a moment to manage to get the words to describe why this is so awful.

"César. My love." Watson shakes his head. "If I want your consent it is because it is something you should want, not because it is something I want you to want."

[pineapplesalmon]

Oh. He hadn't worded that carefully enough. César stares at him in shock for a moment before smiling guiltily.

"I know. It's just... ah." César's thoughts are flying past the conversation too rapidly to string words together. "... ah, well. Shit."

He switched to Spanish but isn't trying to speak it, for the record.

[lightconductor]

"Please don't try to negate yourself. I want a partner, not a shadow. I want you, not you trying to be what I think you want."

He's firm, but his voice is soft, and he starts walking again.

[pineapplesalmon]

They're talking slightly different things. César takes a moment to breathe and let himself be reassured. He strokes Watson's upper arm slowly to comfort both of them.

"I... know you do." César replies quietly, his hand holding still as he looks away. "You coaxed me to be myself again in the first place. But I was a lonely man. I would've... put up with a lot to have been loved. And I do mean that in a horrifying sense."

He breathes. "And the fight with Johnny—well. My maladaptive response makes it obvious now that part of me still doesn't believe I'm enough as myself."

[lightconductor]

"You are enough," he says, simply. "You made a very, very grave mistake, César. I won't lie about that. But asking you to do better is not the same thing as asking you to be someone else."

Watson sighs, though. The thought of César falling into the hands of someone less kind is a terrible one. "There are people who are lonely by nature, but I don't think you're such a man, my dear."

[pineapplesalmon]

César sighs a breath he didn't know he was holding. He relaxes again, properly this time.

"Thank you." It's a simple phrase, but there's trembling relief behind it. "I.. want to say more than that but, I'm stuck on thank you."